SINGAPORE – Two years ago, Lisa (not her real name) was using Tinder to find love until she came across a match that seemed too good to be true.
The 33-year-old said: “He was a smooth talker, very well off financially and had a decent job. Finding this type of person online was like finding your dream partner.”
Although Lisa was enchanted by his charming manner, she soon became increasingly suspicious of the man when he showed interest in her finances – from her work situation to her income.
Her gut instinct proved to be right when he presented her with a “quick approach” to raising more money, even though she insisted she was not interested in any investments or cryptocurrencies.
“Even though he knew I wasn’t interested in investing, he was very clever. He changed his strategy and tried to persuade me to play an online game under the pretense that we could build a bond. However, I had to put up hundreds of dollars to play the game,” Lisa recalled.
The man asked her to invest $10 in the game and gave her $50 in return to prove that it was a real game. However, Lisa knew it was a trap when he finally demanded an amount that, as she said, Yahoo News Singapore“It was uncomfortable for them to invest.”
Lisa, who works in marketing, said: “I knew it was a romance scam because I had read in news and forums how they use romance to try to get someone to invest money.”
“After I discovered these warning signs, I stopped responding to the scammers. I was sure they wanted to harm me,” she added.
No end to online romance scams
Young people like Lisa in her early thirties and under are becoming more cautious and are no longer falling for online romance scams like they did in previous years.
In 2022, the number of internet romance scam cases fell by 20.7 percent to 868 from 1,094 in the previous year, the Singapore Police Force (SPF) said last Wednesday (February 8).
However, Anthony Lim, a cybersecurity expert and lawyer at ISC2 Singapore chapter, said this does not mean one should not be on guard as romance scams are seasonal and are likely to resurface, such as this year for Valentine’s Day.
According to Lim, fraudsters usually exploit characteristics such as greed and impatience.
“They know the economy is bad, times are tough and people work hard for a living. No one would say no to quick and easy money, and that’s exactly what the scammers take advantage of.”
He explained that younger Singaporeans in particular continue to be a target because scammers know that they want instant gratification.
“It’s like when a website takes too long to load. Young people don’t want to wait,” Lim explained.
“Many scams therefore revolve around cases in which the offer is urgent, i.e. only valid for two hours and it is better to make a decision within this time period.”
Recognizing the patterns of a potential romance scammer
Lim said that in many of these scams, which often appear on social media or online dating apps, there is always a “deceiver” – a scammer who knows how to inspire trust.
“These scammers know that if they ask you to invest $50 and give you back at least $20, the victim will keep coming back to get the money back until one day the scammers ask you to invest a larger sum and then they disappear,” he said.
Lim also urged others to be skeptical, examine details and not accept anything hastily.
“The bottom line is not to be impatient, to be cautious, and I think the best thing is to have doubts. Even if you want to make a million dollars with Bitcoin, you should first learn about Bitcoin and educate yourself. The key is to verify and be safe,” he added.
Overcoming the grief and trauma of betrayal
In addition to the potential loss of thousands or even millions of dollars due to an online romance scam, one should not underestimate the emotional trauma that can last a lifetime and lead to disturbing memories and fears.
Dr Annabelle Chow, a senior clinical psychologist at Annabelle Psychology, said grief can be particularly difficult for people who feel lonely and empty, with few friends or family members close by.
“So if someone is nice to them, they are more likely to fall for the scam. But it also means that the grief during treatment is very intense because they lack the social support to lean on,” she said.
Although victims make an effort to confide in their family members, she notes that they often do not receive the support they need. In fact, they may make false assumptions about the victims, such as asking why they fell for the scam when they are highly educated.
“When victims tell their family members, they are often blamed. Most of the time, family members blame them and say they are stupid,” Dr. Chow said.
“Combine this with the complex blame placed on them by family members and it creates a very deep sense of shame that leads to those affected believing they are unlovable and that no one cares about them. This in turn could lead to them being suicidal or self-harming.”
Varian Monteiro, a counseling therapist at Relational Counseling Studio, advises taking the first step to seek help when dealing with trauma.
This can be achieved through talk therapy or counseling.
In his view, the most important thing is to seek out a counselor trained in trauma treatment who knows where to turn to help rebalance thinking that may have been affected by the trauma.
Even then, how long it takes for each individual to recover from the trauma still depends on the person.
“It can take between one and four years because the impact can be devastating and devastating. It’s hard for them,” he said.
If you are having suicidal thoughts or feeling distressed, you can call the Samaritans of Singapore’s 24-hour helpline on 1767 or 1800-2214444. You can also email [email protected].
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