Editor’s note • This is the final story in a six-part series on the impact of Utah’s religious divide on neighborhoods. Read the previous parts on the impact of the divide on Children, Block partieseven Snow shovelsand how the Pressure to proselytize can affect relationships; and why some Utahns simply pack and go.
The divide between members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and, well, everyone else in Utah can be painfully experienced, clearly observed, and easily condemned.
Tensions can be particularly high between devout Latter-day Saints and those who have turned away from the faith.
The gap can be bridged, however, and many kind-hearted neighbors on both sides have found ways to do so. For example, they avoid stereotyping, labeling, and insensitive remarks, and ignore slights, whether perceived or intentional. A little empathy and a lot of listening can go a long way.
Here are some suggestions from Salt Lake Tribune interviews that might be helpful. Because people in the dominant culture may have a greater responsibility for helping and healing, the list is longer for them.
For Latter-day Saints
• Have your kids knock on all your neighbors’ doors on Halloween and invite the whole neighborhood to trunk-or-treat events. It’s a nice step toward inclusion.
• Don’t start neighborhood parties with a prayer (unless all kinds of prayers are included) and be open to offering coffee and tea. Can we get an amen?
• Don’t hold all your neighborhood meetings in the church meetinghouse. Signs may say visitors are welcome, but not everyone may agree.
• Avoid gatherings where alcohol is served (including bars). A Diet Coke or Sprite will do just fine.
• Treat your neighbors as potential friends, not potential converts. Think of sharing cookies, not the Book of Mormon.
• If invited, join in the celebrations and rituals of other faiths. You will see your friends in a new light and they will see that you support them.
• Get to know all of your neighbors and learn what their needs are, not just those of Latter-day Saints. Openly minister beyond your ward schedule.
• Avoid using church jargon. Do not use terms such as “brother” and “sister” or discuss church matters in general meetings. Such talk can be off-putting and exclusionary.
• Listen more than you talk. Ask your neighbors about the holidays (even secular ones), their values, or the things they celebrate. You may be surprised at how much you have in common.
• Volunteer to help your neighbors. Raking leaves, painting houses, and cleaning out U-Haul trucks all don’t require a temple recommend.
• Be open to fair criticism of the dominant culture; don’t get defensive. Utah 2024 is not Nauvoo 1844.
• Form friendship groups across borders based on common interests, such as children of the same age, music, books, sports, or hiking. Your children can be great role models here if you let them.
• Don’t see yourself as a victim. Listen to why others feel that way. Prejudice has many effects.
• Consider inviting non-members to speak at Sunday worship or to serve on an activities committee, for example. Some churches already do this.
• After a snowstorm, shovel snow from your neighbors’ driveways, not just other members’. There’s something satisfying about a warm gesture on a cold morning.
• Never suggest that people who are repelled by Latter-day Saint culture should move elsewhere. They love Utah, too.
We want to hear from you
How can we bridge the religious divide in Utah that often separates Latter-day Saints from their neighbors and vice versa? Share your stories and ideas at [email protected].
For those outside the church
• Don’t assume all Latter-day Saints are the same. Recognize individual differences. They are not all Republicans.
• Do not turn down friendships or invitations because you think they are trying to convert you. Latter-day Saints also want friends for the sake of friendship.
• Don’t exclude Latter-day Saints just because they don’t drink. Serve them something else. See the entry on Diet Coke and Sprite above.
• Avoid malicious humor or derogatory remarks about the dominant culture, its beliefs or values. Religion is something of the heart, so don’t be heartless.
• Do not discuss religion with church members or accuse them of being misguided or of having a cult-like faith. Believe in their right to believe.
• Don’t view every innocent question as an attack on your values or lifestyle. Allow your neighbors to be genuinely curious.
• Understand that the LDS Church takes up a lot of your neighbors’ time. Don’t assume they will avoid you or form a clan. The two-hour meetings they attend on Sundays are just the beginning.
• Do not automatically avoid members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, such as therapists or doctors, because you assume their services are somehow “different” from the norm. Trust in their well-earned academic qualifications.
• Have open conversations with friends and neighbors of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and encourage them to talk about what bothers them about nonbelievers. Make sure your dialogue spreads understanding and healing, not misinformation and hate.
Of course, there are countless other ways to build bridges in our neighborhoods. What are your ideas?
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