Relationships can be built on different foundations. They can start because you’ve known someone since childhood, they can be a former teammate or classmate, they can start at a bar, on a dating app, or in a college theater.
But no matter how quickly the romance starts, you’ll talk about how well you get along with this person. The methods may have changed—out with the love letters and in with the direct messages—but the basic formula remains the same. Maybe you use the word “vibe,” maybe you compare your connection to a popular romantic comedy or romance novel, or you start talking about personality types.
Generally, a Type A person is described with words like “go-getter” and “achiever.” Type B people are considered more relaxed, easy-going, and flexible.
So the question is: What happens when two Type B people enter into a relationship?
This is what a Type B relationship looks like
Before we can decide what a relationship with two Type B people looks like long-term, we need to figure out if these terms are useful in the real world. Colleen Marshall, LMFT, therapist and chief clinical officer at Two Chairs, seems to think so.
“I think there’s always something that helps to clarify that people are just different and helps people understand why there can be conflict just because people are wired differently…” says Marshall. “I think it’s useful, especially if the client themselves understands that concept or identifies that way.”
Marshall said it’s important not to think of personality types as rigid boxes, but to look at them through the lens of a continuum, where some Type Bs are closer to some Type A traits than others. This way, couples can identify their strengths and weaknesses without feeling like they have to have the exact same ones as their partner.
When asked why people cling to personality types when selecting a potential romantic partner, Dr. Wendy Walsh, a professor of health psychology at California State University, Channel Islands, says the impulse to seek out someone with a similar personality type—and to post about it on social media—is an act of self-preservation.
“We all try to avoid heartbreak,” says Walsh. “Everyone wants to bond with someone. We want to feel loved. We want our love returned. But we also know that the path to that goal is often filled with great pain as we find partners who are not a good fit. That’s why we try to assess and analyze as much as possible.”
Why it’s great to be with another Type B person
One of the benefits of being in a relationship with someone who is also Type B is that you may be more likely to be on the same wavelength and have more aligned priorities. Marshall says this could play a role because Type B personalities are generally considered freer types.
“Type B would be more Zen, ideally more focused on wellness, but also just open to creative thoughts and flexibility. I could imagine it being a creative relationship.”
Another possible benefit of a relationship in which both partners are Type B, according to Walsh, is that disagreements can be handled more calmly.
“There will be less conflict and the conflict will be easy to resolve because both partners don’t want to get into an argument. Also, there will be more love and connection. Type B people love touch, they love being with someone else, they love people, etc.”
Why it doesn’t always work
As in all relationships, partnerships between people who are both Type B can have some drawbacks. Since Type B personalities are generally described as more laid-back, a combined lack of making definitive decisions can lead to friction. For example, if neither partner wants to make a budget or, in a scenario described by Marshall, pick a place to have dinner.
“Type B will accomplish things… he’ll just accomplish them in a different way,” says Marshall. “And so he may lack some of that urgency, that timing, that determination. Imagine trying to decide where to go for dinner and spending a lot of time on options and creativity instead of saying, ‘Let’s just pick a place and go for it.'”
Type B will accomplish things… he will just accomplish them in a different way.
—
COLLEEN MARSHALL, LMFT
With regard to how the two personality types resolve conflict, the reactions of people who identify with Type A compared to people who identify with Type B in high-stress environments, including work and school, were examined.
How the relationship works
One of the challenges for people entering a new relationship—especially with people who have the opposite personality type—is the stressors that outside forces place on the relationship. Since Type B personalities are considered less achievement-oriented, it might be helpful to tune out the societal noise that can make it difficult to have a thriving relationship dynamic.
“It’s external pressure that says, ‘Why don’t you get a better job? Why don’t you move? When are you having kids? What’s going on, right?’ And it’s not like they (Type B personalities) care that much. And who are we to judge? They may be perfectly happy.”
The verdict: Can it really work?
Yes. Like any relationship, it takes effort, love, care and focus, but it can be successful. Walsh believes the best foundation is to understand your own needs first, rather than relying too heavily on personality types or other metrics.
“Love is an internal thing. It starts with loving yourself and then moves on to loving and accepting others. If you start a relationship thinking that this person needs more motivation, is more type A, or is going to argue with me, then try to change it in your mind. And that’s why I think it’s really important that we enter new relationships with a curious mind.”
After all, we humans want to belong to a type, even if this type cannot be reduced to decades-old heart research.